Season 2, Episode 16 - Rocks
Check out previous episodes here: http://weimpressmckayla.tumblr.com/tagged/bluebellhigh
Also, if you are at all confused at anytime today, I suggest you check the calendar.
*Max, Rose, Tonya and Charlotte are still on the way from the movie to Rose’s house.*
Tonya - Wasn’t that, like, totally a crazy night?
Rose - I know, right? It was totally rad.
Max - Um, what’s going on? Did I miss something?
Charlotte - Just go along with it.
Max - Oh, um… funky fresh and all that jazz!
Tonya - Never mind, he ruined it.
Charlotte - Well, it was fun for, oh about 10 seconds or so.
Rose - So, now what?
Max - Hey guys, look over here. (He points to a bulletin board)
Tonya - Do we have to?
Max - Not really, I can just read it to you. It says there’s about a big basketball game over at CLJJ tonight. We should go.
Rose - That’s actually not a bad idea, it’s not like we’ve got anything else to do.
Charlotte (looking over the ads on the board) - Rose Hattenbarger babysitting services? Since when?
Rose - Um, since like 1998.
Charlotte - Ah, no wonder it looks like it was written in crayon by a third grader.
Rose - Hey, that third grader worked very hard on that flier.
Tonya - If we do go to the game, I’m gonna have to find a payphone to call my folks.
Max - I thought we were done with the 90’s references?
Tonya - Yeah, because you killed it.
Commercial - No joke, happy birthday to the (non-tweeting) co-owner of this blog, Neil. I prefaced that with “no joke” so I guess I don’t have a joke.
*The gang all head into gym, towards the back of CLJJ High School*
Tonya - Wait, when did this school get a gym?
Rose - Dude, you’ve been here for like a year and a half, you have to stop pretending you don’t know anything about this town.
Tonya - No, seriously, when did we get a gym?
(Charlotte, eating popcorn, shrugs silently.)
Tonya - And where did you get popcorn from?
Charlotte - I brought it from the movie theater, why?
Tonya - Ugh. At least share some.
(The gang watch the game in silence for a little while.)
Max - You know, I’ve thought about trying out for basketball.
Tonya - Um, I don’t think they have kickers in this sport.
(Charlotte, still eating popcorn, fist bumps Tonya silently.)
Rose - That’s actually not a bad idea. You should go for it next year.
Max - Actually, I was thinking about right now.
Rose - Wait, what?
Max - On the back of this flier about the game, it says “Basketball team: Looking for players, no experience needed. Meet after the game outside of the gym.
Tonya - Right, that seems pretty legitimate.
Rose - Are you actually gonna do it?
Max - Why not? It says there’s free food.
Charlotte (spills her popcorn as she says) - Free food? I’m there.
Tonya - Well, if she’s in, I’m in.
Rose (confused) - You just got off crutches.
Tonya - I know my own body! Besides, if that guy thinks he can play, I know I can play.
Rose - I guess we’re all playing basketball then.
(The buzzer sounds, marking the end of the game, and the gang all head outside to wait for further instructions.)
Charlotte - So did you guys, um, see that show last night?
Max - Nope.
Charlotte - Cool.
(Finally after awhile, the gym door opens and a shadowy figure steps out and simply says:)
Shadowy Figure - It’s time.
Commercial - Hey, remember last April Fool’s Day when someone started a rumor that McKayla Maroney was gonna be on a new show called “Family Guide?” That was fun.
In real life, McKayla WILL be on Hart of Dixie this Friday, reprising her Tonya character that appears far too infrequently on tv.
Last week was the return of Rose, and two weeks ago was the return of Magnolia to Hart of Dixie, so when does Max come back. And when are they gonna add a new character that bears a passing resemblance to a team USA trampolinist?
*The gang walks into the gym, which has been transformed from a typical basketball court to one more akin to a Slamball court, circa 2002, with trampolines on the floor and a chainlink fence surrounding the court.
Rose - Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting THAT.
Charlotte - I know, trampolines? I hate trampolines.
Tonya - And I’m afraid of heights, this is never gonna work.
Rose - Very funny, guys.
Max - Wait, does this mean I don’t need my cleats? Or my bat?
Tonya - Where did you even…?
Charlotte - Oh, I get it, he missed the “t” in basketball and thought it said…
Max - Whoops. I’ll get changed. (He heads to the locker room.
Rose - Well, while we’re here, we might as well play. I wonder who the coach…
(It’s Magnolia. It’s always Magnolia. This time she’s holding a clipboard)
Magnolia - Did you miss me?
Charlotte - You! We thought you were dead.
Rose - We did?
Magnolia - Seriously, I just went to boarding school and then… Never mind that, we have a big game against some monsters from outer space, so we better get this practice started.
Rose - Alien monsters? Let me see that clipboard. (She reads) Opponent’s roster: Samoth Nai, Nich Enyaw, Arevia Leachim, Random Monsters 1, 2 and 4.
Charlotte - Seems legit.
Magnolia - You guys are insanely annoying. Now go run some laps.
Tonya - Wait, who else is on this team. It’s not just us right?
Magnolia - Of course not. Over there is Doug Funnie, that’s the one in the sweater vest. And the blonde kid with the oddly shaped head is Arnold… something or other. And then there’s those two guys.
Charlotte - Hey, didn’t we get them to DJ Rose’s birthday party?
Tonya - Ugh, THOSE guys.
Magnolia - Don’t worry about them they just sit in the corner and… write a fake tv show or something.
Tonya - Weird, who would even do that?
Charlotte - Nerds.
Rose - And what about those three… furry things?
Furry thing 1: I’m Yakko.
Furry thing 2: I’m Wakko.
Furry thing 3: And I’m Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third. But you can call me Dot.
Tonya - That makes “Rose Hattenbarger” sound normal.
Rose - Hey!
Max (returning in full basketball uniform) - So what did I miss?
Charlotte - Besides some major copyright infringement and all around tomfoolery? Not much.
Magnolia - Come on, we’re running out of daylight. Training montage, quick!
(Suddenly, the camera work turns more like a movie trailer, complete with narrator.)
Narrator - The kids are back and they’re ready to battle.
Rose - We have a game to play. It’s up to us to win it.
Narrator - One team.
Max - Pass the ball, over here! I’M OPEN!
Narrator - 90’s Cartoons.
Tonya - Shoot it, football head.
Narrator - Are you ready for this?
(Get Ready For This by 2 Unlimited plays)
Narrator - There’s action.
Magnolia - That’s it, guys I’m getting in the game.
Narrator - Comedy.
Charlotte - Hey guys, watch me make this shot between my legs.
Narrator - And drama.
(The music changes to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs7Ud1h9ryA)
Max - I’ll have you know, there’s only ONE thing I want from you.
(Rose turns her head towards the ground, her back to Max.)
Max - … WIN.
(Suddenly, the referee shows up, played by Christopher Meloni from Surviving Jack, Thursdays at 9:30 on Fox, following American Idol.)
Referee - Okay that’s enough of that, the game is called.
All - What?!?
Referee - That was one too many cliches for my taste. You just can’t play under those conditions.
Magnolia - But dad.
Rose - Dad? I thought your dad was Brick Breeland.
Magnolia - Shut up.
Referee - Next time, leave the 90’s nostalgia to Surviving Jack, Thursday’s at 9:30 on Fox, following American Idol.
One of those two guys in the corner - Uh, we already said that.
Referee - Nobody cares. Come on honey. (He takes Magnolia with him over to network television.
Commercial - We’d like to thank Nickelodeon, Warner Brothers and any other company we just ripped off, for not giving us a cease and desist letter, yet.
Also, check youtube.com/user/mckaleym tonight for a new video from McKaley Miller!
(The gang, minus Magnolia all head back towards Rose’s house.)
Rose - Well, that was anti-climactic.
Max - I don’t know, I kind of enjoyed being in a movie trailer.
Tonya - Could be worse, we could be on that fake tv show those nerds are writing.
Rose - True.
Charlotte - And we didn’t even get free food.
Max - So, NOW what?
Rose - I hear the Longs just got a pet baby goat, that I might’ve stolen so he wouldn’t be eaten.
Charlotte - That’s oddly specific, but I do love baby animals.
(They walk for awhile.)
Rose - You know what would be cool? If BlueBell had a sister city in France.
Max - Where did that come from?
Rose - I don’t know, I just thought about it.
Tonya - If we ever have a French day I do have a cool red and white striped shirt I could wear.
Charlotte - What are you even talking about?
Rose - Oh nothing. Don’t worry about it.